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Sunday, July 31, 2016

The Troubled Adult



*****Thank You Kelsey for inspiring me to write :-)  I appreciate you!!  ******************


The other day, I made some reference to myself about having been a troubled child and my husband laughed and said "well now you're a troubled adult". That seemed to stick, and we couldn't quit laughing about the idea.

I was feeling really stir crazy one afternoon and the wild kept calling me. Pretty soon I couldn't focus and had to follow its crazy draw. I snuck out the back door so my dog wouldn't see and stealthily crept through the forest. I avoided the highway and stole along the river banks for many miles.......................
    At first I followed deer trails and avoided the wettest areas, but before long, I was following the trails right through the shallow parts of the river and was completely soaked and wringing out the sleeves on my wool sweater repeatedly. The further I followed the wild call into the swampy sectors and through the river bed, the deeper I dove into brush taller than my head, the more I could feel my soul unwind and sanity slowly returning. I knew slinking along animal trails into the unknown seemed bizarre, but when it calls I can't seem to fight it. At one time I dropped into the river and a beaver dove in front of me about 5 feet away. At another time, I'd found my way into a thicket and popped out into a meadow completely surrounded by thick thick brush. There was a whole herd of elk grazing and the closer I walked, the more worrisome I became that I would get charged getting too close. Finally, at about 20 feet away, I cleared my throat and watched them tear out like a blur. Then it took me 4 tries to get out of that meadow in the thicket. It was completely surrounded in the thickest most impenetrable brush. Finally, exhausted, I climbed over blow downs and continued through weeds towering over my head, never knowing what I'd find myself running into. Many times, I could hear animals crashing around me trying to get away from this strange smelling intruder who was disturbing their domain.

I sat by stagnant water for a long time and promised myself that even if I had to follow these wild calls, I wouldn't let myself stay the same. Nothing good comes out of a stagnant life, doing the same things over and over again. Its meant to be lived wild and free and in doing crazy things, even when you're afraid.
    On the way home, as I walked back along the highway, I had a stand down with a great white beast that challenged me. I never knew for sure what it was, so I didn't want to shoot it. I just stood there, and it watched me standing there too. I didn't dare turn my back on him. He never growled, he never never moved for minutes. We both just stood there staring at each other for what seemed like an eternity that probably, in reality, only lasted 2 minutes. Then it trotted away back into the mountains from which it came and I was left alone to walk along the road, soaked and exhausted........ The wild feeling was gone and I was ready to feel like a mom and wife again.

I just missed my husband as he was walking out, and he searched for me for a long time until his motorcycle broke down up some mountain road. He was relieved to see me after hiking home in the dark not knowing. I settled in with a cup of tea watching "Wreck It Ralph" with the kids. It was peaceful and my legs ached. I was sure I wouldn't be ready for an adventure like that again for a while, but then, quietly, I can still feel that wild and the water calling me to explore...................











Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Saphiras Man



 




Saphira avoided men like the plague, and I often wondered if she thought there might be a bit of tangibility to that idea. I will never forget driving out of Bonners Ferry with her one day and asking her why she quit going to the young adults group at church. "Because men keep sitting by me". I rolled my eyes and wondered for the millionth time how I ended up with such a sensible girl, because I certainly never was.

When she left for college in Northern Minnesota, Saphira informed us that she wouldn't be even tempted by any city boy, or Minnesota boy for that matter. She informed us she would be going to school and then would find herself a mountain man with a beard. We all roared with laughter and the idea repeated itself for the better part of 2 years. It became family folklore. Her facebook account often got hacked and said things like "gee I just think city boys in skinny jeans are the bomb" and "I hope i can someday learn to make poop surprise for the clean shaven city boy I will some day marry". Saphira roamed about the city of her college sporting BDU's and riding around on an old bicycle. She studied hard and lived well.

Denver was drifting through guy stuff barter sites, a kind of facebook yard sale, when he saw it. It was and ad from this wild looking red head with dreads sporting a dead animal on her shoulder. She was high on top a mountian somewhere, and the picture drew him in. She had a list of things she was looking for including a Lansky Knife Sharpening Kit, Kershaw Blade Trader, Rapala filet knife, non collapsible gun cleaning rod, folding buck 110 knives, BDU's size small short, gas cans and some other oddities. He looked at the ad again. "Who was this girl?" "Was that a marmot in the picture?" and again "who was this girl who would even know what that stuff was?!" He dug through his stuff to come up with a Shrade. "This ought to do it" he thought to himself. He just had to know who this girl was.................

"Mom, I met a really cool guy today" she told me over the telephone. I waited with great anticipation. She paused to set me up with greater suspense................... "He was driving a truck with fresh cut wood in the back".................. "yeah" I said. "He was wearing a flannel"................ "uh hugh"............... "He has a REALLY nice beard"............................... Now she was pausing longer, really pulling me in. "He's an aviation mechanic and I'm pretty sure he's a Christian". Now she really had me. "Oh my goodness" I thought. "Wow, this could really be it!!" After a really extended silence, she said "but I'm not interested, because he has one fatal flaw" I wondered what the fatal flaw could possibly be. It was hard telling with her. More silence. "I'm not interested because he had a dog in his truck". Oh I about came unglued. "Saphira, he sounds perfect". "Nope" she said. "Fatal Flaw".

Saphira had another ad up on the guy stuff barter site. This time she was looking for brains and deer hide. Again, Denver was intrigued. "What kind of girl looks for animal brains?" Denver asked himself what he was doing when harvested deer brains from his fresh kill that hunting season. Something in him just compelled him to do it.................

Saphira and Archer, both college students in the same city, sat in Archers apartment. Saphira said "Hey Archer!!! check out this sweet Marlin Glenfield Lever Action 30-30". She saw the rifle and instantly loved it. She saw it was him. She told Archer to check it out. Soon Brother and Sister were battling it out with each other online who would buy it. In the end Denver told Saphira he thought she was more reputable and gave her the sale. Saphira and Archer had a good laugh together about it. The memory of the first meeting was still etched in her mind, though she'd tried hard to get it out. He'd stepped out of his truck and shook her hand and all she could think was "this is a real man". She couldn't shake the feeling of the hand shake or the impression he left.  Meanwhile, Denver was remembering that that first time he saw her, she took his breath away......  Saphira met Denver at the college. This time they talked alot longer.

She kept thinking about him and he kept thinking about her. Both of them came up with a lot of excuses to see each other, but then dismissed it. Finally, Saphira cooked up a scheme to buy some old boots from him that used to belong to his sister. They were the wrong shoe size, but she figured she could give them to me for Christmas. I remember opening the present and thinking that it was an odd gift for her to give me. Little did I know, it was just a scheme to see that beard again......................

The day he sold her the boots, was the day things started to become more obvious to both of them that they were no longer just buying and selling stuff. There was an attraction between them that neither of them wanted to fight. Saphira didn't know it, but she only lived a block or so from Denver's house. He knew it though. He'd seen her ride by on her bicycle. He wondered if he should tell her. Finally he decided he would. She was agreeable to coming over there. The voice of reason told him that he shouldn't be having a younger girl over to his house. He didn't want to know how young she probably was. He'd never met a woman like her before and he knew he probably never would again. The voice of reason told her that he was probably too old for her, but she didn't want to know either. He was a real man and real men are few and far between.

First she got there and bought the boots. Then he offered to show her an elk his brother had shot out in Montana. She was impressed. She rattled off tips about how to can elk. He was impressed. Then he asked her if she was still looking for hides and brains. He'd been saving them, but hadn't brought himself to telling her until just then. She smiled at him. He melted. She thought it was really sweet of him to save her deer brains. She was flattered. Her heart skipped a beat. "Who wants flowers?! Give me a man who saves me deer brains." she thought. Oh this guy was something else.

Then he showed her the hides he saved for her and they decided to discuss religion over a beer. It wasn't just any beer. It was an IPA from Montana, the kind she and her family would have bought. She looked again and could hardly believe what she was seeing. The beer spoke volumes. They talked about God and she soon discovered that they both had praying mothers and a background in Spirit filled churches.

The next day she walked over to get the hides and brains. She'd had brain tanning on her mind for some time, but now she couldn't get this man out of her mind. They talked about bear hunting and grizzley hunting in Alaska. Then there was an awkward silence and reason jumped in out of no where catapulting them both back into their own worlds.

Six long months passed by. Denver haunted Saphiras thoughts and dreams. She reasoned herself out of many excuses to go see him and he did the same. He thought she was probably too young. She was in an intense nursing program in college. He'd been hurt before. Being a "real man", and wanting to do the right thing, he suppressed the urge to see her and went back to his life.....................

After graduation, Saphira and Archer had a long month to wait until they could take their state boards. Both of them graduated with honors. Saphira was chosen by the faculty to give a speech for her class. We couldn't have been more proud. Saphira was excited about applying for jobs in Montana and Northern Idaho. She missed the mountains, but as much as the mountains called to her, she couldn't forget him.

Finally, she couldn't let it rest any longer, for weeks, it had driven her. She just had to see him one last time before she left. She didn't care what the results were. She just had to put this thing to rest in her mind for good. She couldn't leave with regrets of never knowing. She put 2 IPA's in the freezer, then slipped them into her purse. She marched over to his house with great foreboding. "What are you doing?" she kept asking herself. "Where are you thinking this could possibly go?" Still, unwavering nerve kept her walking foreward.

She knocked on the door and was relieved that nobody answered. Raw faith kept her knocking. Soon the dog started barking and he came to the door with a shocked look on his face. She asked him if he had time to talk. She was leaving for Montana in 2 weeks............

For 2 weeks, they saw each other almost every day. First they talked about their regrets in not trying to see each other sooner. Then he told her that she was the most intrigueing woman he'd ever known and asked her if he could get to know her better, even if it was for such a short time. Then it was dinner and campfires and fishing and a whilwind of romance that left them both knowing that they were embarking on relationship that was greater than either of them could have imagined. The last days before she was to leave, drew them closer, knowing they'd soon be apart. The Great King Solomon says not to awaken love before its time, and they spent what time they had wisely.

She'd called one of my closest friends, Elasta Woman, and her brother that week asking for prayer and council. Both of them advised her well, and directed her toward God. The next morning she woke up with a great peace flooding her spirit and the first thought on her mind was "what does it matter if you're with the man you love, how old he is?" It was the great peace flooding her spirit that confirmed that God's blessing was on this and gave her the peace to go forward with it.

Meanwhile, back at home, something was stirring in my spirit as well. For weeks, my girlfriends had been dedicating days to praying and fasting against generational curses, for marriages, and for our children. When I heard that things were happening, I wondered "why now?" "will she come home?" "is this God, or some enemy scheme to derail her life?" It drove me to my knees and to call a fast once again, with my closest friends and prayer warriors. Warrior women across the Yaak, and in random parts beyond rallied in prayer, seeking Gods plan for Saphira and Denver. Something in me wondered if this timing wasn't right after all. Maybe it was now, because it was supposed to be.
That was the day I was driving to town, wondering, but refusing to judge. I really truly wanted whatever God wanted for her, and I was willing to support her in whatever that was. As I prayed, this pure, honorable, sweet love came over me and God gave me a tiny glimpse of Denver's heart. I saw that it was good, and that he was a good man. This man was really really special and that he would take good care of my daughter. Doubt and fear dissipated. Peace and joy flooded in. I got really happy. Saphira's found her man, and he's a good one. What more could a mom want for her girl?

The next morning, I asked my husband to pray with me for Saphira. We did, and later that morning, she called and talked for hours. It was the way it was supposed to be.

Denver did everything he knew to do to be honorable and honest. He invited us all over shortly after we arrived in Minnesota. Then he invited us again, this time just my husband and I. He really put himself out there, and was willing to hear whatever we had to say with an open heart. In the end, I told him that we gave him permission to pursue our daughter and my husband said "she's mine until I give her away". Saphira made him bring her to meet his parents and he did that too. He even showed up at our family reunion, and everybody loved him. That night a bunch of the family went shooting. Saphira and Denver cleaned up the competition together. Little Bia looked very high up from very way down and asked him "excuse me, but are you a mountain man?" He smiled and said "I guess I could be".

Crawling through the forrest, sneaking up on deer, sitting in a tree stand together and romantic campfire evenings sealed what they were already feeling. God is a jealous God. He pursues us and captivates us with His Great Love. His love is good and pure and just. The destiny He's placed in us is good. He ordains a hope and a future for each one of us if we will only yeild to His great call.

Though a great love was awakening between Saphira and Denver, a greater love compelled them into His presence. It whispered to their souls and melted His seal on thier hearts. We hosted a breakfast after our family reunion ended and invited my mom and dad to come. It was at Saphiras place, where a great man and woman of God reside. After we ate, We all laid hands on Saphira and prayed for her, blessing her in the life she was entering into. She said that things changed for her that day. She began seeing deeper into spiritual realms and with it came a great awareness that as a future wife and nurse, she would need this gift, to navitate through many challenges that lay ahead. She also felt the weight of the responsibility of being a Godly wife and how important it was to nuture and build up her future husband.

Denver could hear mountains quietly calling him for many years, but now it seemed clearer than ever. He also knew the call of God on his life. He knew that there was more in him than what he was doing. Something deep was stirring in him. God seemed to be everywhere around him these days and he was overwhelmed and humbled by the love of this woman, who God was giving him. She could see in him things nobody else could see that he knew had always been there. He had regrets about the past, but the blood of Jesus cleansed all that and there would be no going back to the old things. He was ready to rise up and be the man that God had called him to be. He wanted to do it for himself, but also for this girl woman who rocked his entire world in such a short time. He didn't know how it was all going to happen, but he knew that the more he yeilded to that still small voice, his way to her and to God would be brighter and clearer.

Somewhere in Yaak, many mothers await the return of Saphira, now RN. They have great hopes that she will return to marry their respective sons. I know this, because more than one good hearted woman has told me so. They try to shrug away any rumors of the man who brought Saphira brains and deer hides as silliness. They keep hoping that somehow their boys will win that prize. Some of them are sisters, some of them are aunts, some are friends, but all of them wait, wondering about Sapiras return. All of Yaak, and maybe all of creation wait patiently for The Groom to come and marry His bride. Its the great paradox of Christ and the church. As we wait on God to return for us, we also will be waiting for the continuation of this love story.

The day Saphira said goodbye to Denver, he was leaving for a trip to Colorado on business. She did his dishes, helped him pack his bags and even stayed up half the night baking him granola. She gave him the hat she'd crocheted him and brought him french press coffee at 3am. She told him, fishing lover that he was, that her hook was set. She told him it was up to him now. He promised her that she'd caught his heart good. He even initiated prayer that morning with her, and that meant a lot to her. She walked away down the street laughing at the things to come.

In the unseen world, angels and demons clash in a bloodthirsty war over the souls of God's children. The blood of martyrs still spills today. The sleeping church falls deeper into its coma of apathy and selfishness. Darkness covers our nation, but despite the thick gloom enveloping so many today, warrior women still rise up and cry out in battle. They proclaim freedom over their generations from the generational sins that have held them in bondage for so long. They war over their children, their marraiges, their church. They tear down the walls that the enemy carefully constructed. Love stories still happen today and many wait, yet to be written. Somewhere in the wilds of the Yaak, a fiercesome, wild, red dreadlocked warrior woman runs down lonely roads. She's stalked the deer and taken down the bear here. She faced grizzlies. She faced down principalities. She camps in forgotton places that the Indians once tread upon. Her spirit grew to excellence here, and here she would wait for her man to come..........................


 

Thursday, February 18, 2016

No, My Body Odor Didn't Disqualify Me

No, My Body Odor Didn't Disqualify Me
                                              (posted on my fitness blog)