The other day, I made some reference to myself about having been a troubled child and my husband laughed and said "well now you're a troubled adult". That seemed to stick, and we couldn't quit laughing about the idea.
I was feeling really stir crazy one afternoon and the wild kept calling me. Pretty soon I couldn't focus and had to follow its crazy draw. I snuck out the back door so my dog wouldn't see and stealthily crept through the forest. I avoided the highway and stole along the river banks for many miles.......................
At first I followed deer trails and avoided the wettest areas, but before long, I was following the trails right through the shallow parts of the river and was completely soaked and wringing out the sleeves on my wool sweater repeatedly. The further I followed the wild call into the swampy sectors and through the river bed, the deeper I dove into brush taller than my head, the more I could feel my soul unwind and sanity slowly returning. I knew slinking along animal trails into the unknown seemed bizarre, but when it calls I can't seem to fight it. At one time I dropped into the river and a beaver dove in front of me about 5 feet away. At another time, I'd found my way into a thicket and popped out into a meadow completely surrounded by thick thick brush. There was a whole herd of elk grazing and the closer I walked, the more worrisome I became that I would get charged getting too close. Finally, at about 20 feet away, I cleared my throat and watched them tear out like a blur. Then it took me 4 tries to get out of that meadow in the thicket. It was completely surrounded in the thickest most impenetrable brush. Finally, exhausted, I climbed over blow downs and continued through weeds towering over my head, never knowing what I'd find myself running into. Many times, I could hear animals crashing around me trying to get away from this strange smelling intruder who was disturbing their domain.
I sat by stagnant water for a long time and promised myself that even if I had to follow these wild calls, I wouldn't let myself stay the same. Nothing good comes out of a stagnant life, doing the same things over and over again. Its meant to be lived wild and free and in doing crazy things, even when you're afraid.
On the way home, as I walked back along the highway, I had a stand down with a great white beast that challenged me. I never knew for sure what it was, so I didn't want to shoot it. I just stood there, and it watched me standing there too. I didn't dare turn my back on him. He never growled, he never never moved for minutes. We both just stood there staring at each other for what seemed like an eternity that probably, in reality, only lasted 2 minutes. Then it trotted away back into the mountains from which it came and I was left alone to walk along the road, soaked and exhausted........ The wild feeling was gone and I was ready to feel like a mom and wife again.
I just missed my husband as he was walking out, and he searched for me for a long time until his motorcycle broke down up some mountain road. He was relieved to see me after hiking home in the dark not knowing. I settled in with a cup of tea watching "Wreck It Ralph" with the kids. It was peaceful and my legs ached. I was sure I wouldn't be ready for an adventure like that again for a while, but then, quietly, I can still feel that wild and the water calling me to explore...................
