Perfect Except.....

WHY OH WHY does my husband love to "see how far he can get?"
I have been asking myself this question since I was 16 years old. We were supposed to go out on a double date that night. I was supposed to meet him in town. Instead I received a phone call. He was stuck on some road somewhere in the middle of no where. His friend picked up the three of us in his truck and we headed out to a deserted dirt road miles from known civilization. Later, well after dark, the 4 of us were walking through deep mud trying to find a house so we could call somebody else. The truck had failed to pull out his Maverick and it was now stuck as well. The first people wouldn't let us use the phone. Possibly because it was midnight and some of us were inebriated. Okay I was inebriated at the time. I was a terrible teenager, but that is another story all together. I suppose I should have taken this event as a sign of things to come. Some where around 2 am my mother picked us all up......
As a young married woman, years later, I remember several times I was gone at college or work only to come home and find that my husband had walked several miles with little ones because he was stuck down some logging road. Usually, I was smart enough not to ride along on these expeditions. Once the car or truck started hitting pot holes, and the rocking motion began, my stomach would begin to turn. "Can't we please take a normal road to where we are going?" I would ask. What I fail to realize is : This is where we are going. Eventually, I would become angry, teary, and later on HYSTERICAL. Most of the time he and the kids were having the time of their life and the more stuck they got, the harder they laughed. This upset me all the more.
Every so often, my husband invites me along on one of his expeditions. He says something nonchalant like "wanna go for a ride?" Each time I forget his bizarre compulsion, and bite the bait. Such was the day before I began my stretch of shifts. We all packed sandwiches and some treats and loaded into the Tundra. I didn't notice that the winch was in the back of the truck, nor did I unsuspectingly notice a shovel. "Where are we going?" I ask. "I don't know" my husband tells me. Off we drive. Soon we are heading up a dirt road high up into the mountains. I am happy the family is on an outing. It never occurs to me that he wants to see "how far he can get" up a deserted mountain pass. I don't know if this is premeditated or not. I suspect it may be. Perhaps its like Miss Belly Fat, who cons me into eating all kinds of things I shouldn't. Maybe its because he only owns 4WD's. 4WD's have a reputation for loving trouble. They are like dogs begging to go out for a walk. "C'mon" says our Tundra, Polly, "Please oh please will you test my skills today?" "You never take me to where I want to go anymore" she pouts. I imagine she must nag and nag until he can take it no longer. "A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike." he tells her, but she will not stop her nagging. Finally, tired of hearing her complain, he veers off down "the road less travelled".
At any rate, the familiar lurch of my stomach and a splitting headache began to manifest as he decided to "see if he could make it through these drifts". As always, I remind him I don't want to get stuck up there with all the kids. As always he and the kids are propelled by some force foreign to my thinking. As always, despite my strong recommendations, he pushes on until you see these photos. He is having the time of his life, while I have become dangerously silent.

Some where in my mind, it is dark and days have gone by. Some one went for help and never returned. I am rationing out portions from the last sandwich to frightened children. Our truck has gone down the side of a cliff, and possibly an Alien Apocalypse has taken place.

Seeing my silent expressions of horror, the kids begin cracking jokes trying to lighten up the atmosphere. Art Dog begins to quote Robert Frost in a last ditch effort to appease me. "At least you'll have something to blog about" my husband suggests with a boyish twinkle in his eye.
Yes, my husband is the Perfect man. He is the kindest, sweetest, most handsome and strong, best friend, lover and father in the whole entire world. He is as perfect as a man can get, except for this one bizarre trait. Its his love of "the road less travelled". Do your men have any unusual compulsions?!

Working Mom Blues and The Terrible Woes of a Graveyard Shift Mama

Sleep, who needs sleep?! Well, at least that's what I was trying to tell myself yesterday. I got home from my first shift to my husband making eggs and hash browns (mmm....). The morning was deceptively calm. At 9am I fell asleep and by 12 noon, I awakened, never suspecting that the universe would begrudge me any more rest. Would be dream thieves included a loud locomotive earth shattering sound that turned out to be a washing machine off balance, bone chilling shrieks and cries that turned out to be Moonbeam with a wet diaper, and a live comedy tour in my living room, which turned out to be the boys fooling around. For their finale, they played "Jenga" with building blocks while singing strange hypnotic tunes (in an attempt to hypnotize the blocks from falling). My husband was out moving somebodies piano, so he didn't police the volume levels like he normally does. Eventually, I just got up and went running, which was the most peace and rest I got the rest of the day. As I write, it dawned on me that I may be slightly irritable (okay really irritable) because I don't function well on 3 hours of sleep. I seem to be fluctuating between angrily grumpy and hysterically happy. Grrr...... Te he he....... Zzzzz...... Blah.......... Grrr... Te he he.
I suppose I will blog more when I am in a better frame of mind. Happy Day after May Day!!

$3 Home Beauty Solutions and The Pilgrimmage of My Hair

So I finally dyed my hair. Then my daughter layered it. It wasn't too traumatic. Okay, maybe a little bit. As you may remember, first I dyed it with henna last summer (heinous henna story). Then I went to a student at an academy (another crazy account involving my over active imagination). Both times ended in reprobate greys mocking me. Finally, in desperation, I bought a $3 box of brown/black dye at Walmart. I will spare you the details of this event, other than to say that there was a hole in my glove and it turned my finger black. It made my finger look like a zombie digit for a couple of days. Moonbeam pounded on the bathroom door wanting to be let in, which was a bit unnerving. After that she was quiet which was worse yet. It was also my daughters first attempt at layering. She went on youtube to figure it out. That would frighten most home beauty goers, but I, being a brave and desperate soul perservered. After her nervous plights, she was so pleased with it she layered her own hair. The color seems a bit dark, but I think I might like it. Mostly I like going by a mirror and not seeing gray hair giving me the raspberries. It was so rude that I imagine if I didn't do something quick, they were going to turn all Medusa on me.
I am working all weekend, so you will most likely see some "Working Mom Blues" posts to come. I hope you are all enjoying yours!!

A Light Dinner with Some Dessert (and a jaw dropping revelation on the side)

Stupendous, Inspiring and Jaw Dropping Events have recently rocked my world. Two days in a row, I've been able to hang out with other women. No, the fact that other women are willing to hang out with me occasionally is not the miraculous happening that I wanted to share, only the back drop for my story.
I had been a little "down" off and on last week. I spent it with my family, which was wonderful, but I hadn't had any girl time in a while. That's when Mist called and asked if I wanted to go to town with she and Elasta Woman. I'd never rode to town with one of them driving before and I knew it would be an adventure I wouldn't soon forget. You may remember from previous stories, Elasta Woman and Mist are both in their 20's. I am 11 and 15 years their elder, never the less, we are all good friends. Both women lived in small cabins while their husbands built their homes by hand and both just moved into their new homes in the past few weeks. Both have endured many hardships carving homes out of raw wilderness, but both have incredibly inspiring pioneer spirits with unwavering strength. Mist, who drank and bathed from a creek draws joy like water out of the well of contentment in her heart. Elasta Woman is as fiery as the wood stove she often cooked upon. The girls worked a catering job and had some money burning holes in their purses to buy stuff for the respective new homes.
The three of us were soon driving out of the forest into the city in an old Subaru manned by Elasta Woman. She forgot her driving glasses, so she borrowed a pair of mine. She explained that her car needed some repairs, but hadn't gotten it fixed yet. It all seemed more the adventure. We laughed and chatted and giggled away the morning. After Home Depot and Walmart, we dined at an incredible hole in the wall restaurant famous for its good cooking. Then we walked through the pouring rain to several specialty shops along the downtown lane. At one particular place, we were held hostage by a talkative young employee. I thought she'd never let us leave. I became quite nervous and fidgety. Mist and Elasta Woman listened patiently to all she had to say and actually appeared to care. Everything in the store was 10x the price it should have been. I couldn't imagine anybody actually buying anything there ever, so I just stood there feeling the need to scream loudly and bust out the door. It occurred to me that I am so fixated on power shopping that I miss taking time out to interact with people. The girls didn't bat an eye about spending half an hour visiting with a lonely worker. I was a little ashamed with myself.
After finally escaping, we entered this crazy expensive hip clothing store. I found out they'd spent hours here the last time they came to town. I began to feel the need to run out screaming again. Instead I sat down and watched them try on clothes. They weren't actually trying on clothes in the dressing room. They were in what used to be the dressing room in an upstairs clearance area. Mist tried on a long form fitting green skirt. I gasped disapprovingly. I could make out her curves a little too well. She looked me in the eye and disagreed in a very soft kind of way. I tried to steer her toward more tent looking attire. Then Elasta Woman tried on one of the skirts in yellow. Again, I could make out curves. Both girls have incredible figures and they looked fabulous and female. The prim and proper lady in me told them it was much too sexy. Then they told me to try on the pink one. Time stopped. It never occurred to me in a million years that I could wear a skirt like that. Not wanting to be the old fuddy duddy of the group, I entered the make shift dressing area and dawned the skirt dropping my pants after it was on. That's when the lady came upstairs and chastised us all for not using the dressing room. She ushered us down the stairs. Some how the girls were dressed and I was the culprit wearing the sexy hot pink skirt guiltily carrying along my pants with me. As I later examined myself in the dressing room mirror, I could see a curvy figure looking back at me. True, I didn't have the flat, board like stomach Elasta Woman has, but I didn't look all that bad either. I actually looked kinda cute. That's when I realized that some where along the way an old lady had taken over my wardrobe in the name of modesty and refused me the privilege of looking female. The girls weren't being immodest. I was being prudish. I bought the skirt in purple on Mist's recommendation and she bought the green in the same size.
The fact that I'd bought the same size skirt as Mist stuck with me and I began to try on some smaller sizes at the second hand stores we hit next. That's when the Stupendous, Inspiring and Jaw Dropping event happened. I discovered I'd dropped a dress size. I couldn't believe it at first. I haven't lost any weight in a long time. How could this be? But try as I would many different things, the results were all the same. Just a few years ago, in a Wal mart dressing room, I resigned to going up "one more" to a size 16. Yesterday, in a nondescript thrift store, in a quiet part of town, I comfortably put on size 8's and squeezed into 6's. Selah.
On the way home, I thanked the girls for helping me branch out. We all laughed at my disapproval of the skirt I later bought. They thanked me for helping them grow spiritually. They said they'd never heard anybody pray before like I do. They said I opened up a whole new aspect for them in prayer. They said I helped them in their spiritual walk too. I told them that I learn a lot from them every day. I am learning how to enjoy my life. I am learning how to be more balanced thanks to them. Some how, some where, part of me became a little bit too prudish and quick to judge. Something about my friends exposes it. Now that light shines there, it doesn't want to remain.

The Men Work and The Chicks Relax (Deal or No Deal?!)

"Deal or No Deal?!" I asked when my son, Super Catman was told to start the dishes. "Do them now when there's a few or wait till later when there's a pile?!" "Deal!" He yells emphatically pushing down a pretend buzzer and runs into the kitchen. OK, so maybe we've watched a little too much "Deal or No Deal". Well, the free channel will end and then something else will be on.
My sister and I had a good visit on the telephono today. She promised me a nice butt if i would read the "Abs Diet for Women" book. I am quite elated about this and so I am going to try and find it at the library.
In other butt news, my husband kicked mine when we went biking the other day. It was a 7 mile ride and the first half of it was mostly up hill. Other than being sore for days, experiencing extreme exhaustion while peddling and profusely sweating, it was romantic. We did stop in a sunny spot and relaxed for a short bit before flapping like maniacs in the wind as we soared down the hills like banshees.
Other than a few slow runs and that ride, I have mostly taken Becky's advice and relaxed. We had 3 days this past week in the 70's and I took full advantage. Some of my favorite activities included:
1. Trying to take a nap on my outdoor swing. Mostly I was thwarted by Moonbeam.
2. Cooking lunch outside on the grill and eating at the picnic table.
3. Kicking all the kids outside to finish school work in the sunshine by noon each day if they weren't already finished.
4. Sun tanning on the trampoline.
5. Daily Kayaking in the sunshine (during Moonbeam's naps).
6. Making smoothies and eating them outside.
7. Yard work (again, somewhat thwarted). Moonbeam loves the outdoors. She wants to climb, run, play and explore! Turn your head and she's off down the steps, or climbing up something. She reminds me of her cousin, Kardelen, who claims to be part monkey.
8. Playing bad mitten with the kids.
Anyway, I did enjoy a wonderful week. Next week, I am planning a picnic with a pack of sisters. We have also rescheduled our "Extreme Chicks Hike" for May 22, so I'm excited about that. We added in an early breakfast at the lodge and possibly stopping by the fire mans rummage sale. Should be a lot of fun ;-) I am going to get up some motivation to make fliers for it soon. The kids are also doing an incredible job training for their run which reminds me of the last thing I wanted to write about.
Yesterday, we went to town to get the kids immunizations caught up. Of course we had to go to Walmart because we were out of everything. Art Dog only had one pair of shoes which were men's work boots. I wasn't going to let him show up to a 5K wearing them. We looked through the clearance shoe section hopefully. Some of the kids needed sandals. Some of them needed tennis shoes. I could have spent my whole pay check on footwear, so I was trying to get as much as I could for as little. Anyway, the shoes he liked best were sneakers with steel toes. Okay. They were brown Brahma's. Okay. Size 7.5. Okay. "How did his feet grow that many sizes so fast?!" I wondered. I put them in the cart and began looking at sandals for a few different kids. I saw a co-worker and we started chatting. Super Catman was telling me he preferred the blue Nerf sandals. Moonbeam began squawking. As I started pushing the cart away, I noticed something alarming that caught my eye. The Brahma's shoe name was "Rose". Suddenly some wording caught my eye "Brahma's for Her". Oh boy. Should I tell him? I figured I'd better. Surprisingly, he still wanted the shoes. Today, as he was outside "trying them out", I noticed the "steel toe" cardboard sign still resides on each one. He doesn't mind that either. Apparently he has been experimenting with dropping rocks on his feet. Boys will be boys.
Have a great weekend everybody!

Pics above include the boys fixing my vacuum cleaner, my husband installing our ceiling fan and Sock Fashion Expert relaxing in the sun.

injuries are inconvenient!

View from my kayak the other day.....

Sock Fashion Expert on a lark, decides to "war paint her face" and take off on her motorcycle. The boys were all too glad to help her.

Moonbeam's first walk without the stroller. She thinks she's pretty big now!

Super Catman with frog eggs at the lake yesterday.

Dad and Moonbeam having some special time together.....

It's been another hum dinger of a week! On Friday, the steps revolted against me. They had been plotting revenge for my not staining them for quite some time. They are also angry about all the times I took them for granted. They said that I don't appreciate them and tend to "walk all over them" at times. At any rate, they waited for just the right timing and then tripped me. Yes, I am much too nimble and quick just to have stepped wrong. Surely it was a conspiracy on their part.

At any rate, I rolled my ankle coming off those rascals and had to hobble for a couple of days. It set back my training for the 5K in May. I wanted to pout and feel sorry for myself that first day. I was laying on the trampoline mournfully with a pillow and magazine and something said to me "Either you can lay here and be like this for 10 days or you can get up and go out kayaking". I got up, ace wrapped my ankle and hobbled off down the drive way to my kayak. I didn't even know how I'd get the thing in the water by myself, but I did. I spent an hour or two out there and kept putting my ankle overboard in the icy cold water. When I got home I was in a much better frame of mind. My husband saw me coming and he and one of the boys carried my kayak back for me. Then he drove me up the driveway so I wouldn't have to walk. I realized that even though I couldn't train for my 5K, I can work on my upper body by kayaking hard for a few days. "Slowing Down" was really what I needed to gain a little perspective, and finding things I could do helped my attitude a lot. I also have had some special times with the kids.

The Archer has been gone since Friday. He is in the middle of his structural fire fighting course in the big city. That's been a little challenging for me too. My birdies are starting to spread their wings. Tonight he called and I got to talk to him for long time. It made me feel better.

I've enjoyed some wonderful days out in the kayak and relaxing after school with the kids. Today was day 5 and I was able to run my 3 miles on it wearing a support. I am so glad its healing fast :-)

2007 Grizzly Encounter

As I was going through wildlife stories, I found this one. I had The Archer type this experience in his own words as a school assignment that week in order to preserve it.

Hunting in Montana by The Archer (2007) Grizzly Encounter
Yesterday was the first day of hunting season. Dad and I were prepared early. We had a preset plan to cover a specific mountain. We got up, prepared, and before light we were at the hunting area. To our surprise the forest service shut a gate miles from the mountain. We had to totally change our plan. We decided to split up and cover the side of the mountain. We would meet at the top. I got to the top before Dad. It was beautiful. The entire lower area of the mountain was covered in a blanket of clouds. I started to walk off the mountain. All of a sudden a "boom" broke the silence of the mountain. I turned on my radio and found out that Dad had shot a beautiful 5x5. I went back up the mountain to Dad. We were miles up a mountain so we had no choice but to cut all the meat off right there. By that time ravens had began to fly in circles around us waiting to get to the carcass\gut pile. We had no way to pack it out so Dad took off his sweat shirt. He tied the sleeves and cut holes in the collar. Then I sewed it shut with the string off my collar. Then we skinned it right there and cut the meat off. We stuffed the meat in his sweat shirt.
A guy in Missoula area shot an elk. With his rifle next to a tree he began gutting it out. A grizzly came to get the gut pile and decided instead to eat the guy and the elk. With that and other stories we had always made a habit to look out for grizzly bears, black bears, wolves, and mountain lions when gutting on the mountain. With other experiences, it was proven that when predators hear a gun shot they associate it with a gut pile. Dad carried the meat and I carried the rifles and head. We were blood soaked and carrying all we could. It was brushy and full of downed timber so watching footing among the rocks was paramount. I suddenly caught a glimpse of movement in the corner of my eye. I turned my head to see a grizzly bear staring at us a mere 50 yards away! We quickly dropped the meat and head. I handed Dad his Contender Carbine and I drew my Ruger Super Black Hawk. The grizzly was unquestionably the biggest bear I've ever seen. It had a massive head and huge shoulders. The bear looked at us for a while as if deciding what to do and then started walking towards the carcass. We decided if it followed us or showed some kind of aggressive action we would just give it the meat. Then we got off the mountain as soon and quickly as possible while looking over our shoulders of course. Days later I returned to the carcass. The ground around the carcass was torn all up and just little pieces of bone was all that was left of the carcass. While living here in Montana I've seen many black bears, wolves, cougars, and moose while on foot, but never have I felt fear like when I was staring in the eyes of that grizzly!