Art Dog, A Really Cool Kid, MISSadventures with MISS Belly Fat

"Stop!" yelled Art Dog in a loud, commanding voice "That's Peter!" Shocked, I looked around the produce aisle trying to decipher what he was warning me about. Everything looked okay. Then he grabbed the pear I had selected out of my hand dramatically and placed another one in it. "That was Peter The Pear" he informed me matter of fact. I couldn't stop laughing once my initial shock had dissipated.
Today Art Dog mediated, or rather parented two rather unruly girls. Produce was not the only thing I'd bought in town yesterday. I'd found some M&M's on sale. I know better, but Miss Belly Fat happened to make her appearance at that moment and conned me into buying them. Her reasoning was as follows : "If you buy the plain instead of the peanut you won't eat them." I asked her how she could be so sure. She assured me that I was buying them strictly for cookies. I failed to see that her reasoning was flawed because I would want to eat the cookies. The logic at hand had convinced me, despite it's undercurrent of deceitfulness. By mid-day today, I was sneaking into them. Sock Fashion Expert promptly caught me and confiscated them. Innocently, later that day, I was about to fill the tea kettle when I discovered the M&M's. I hid them from the Sock Fashion Expert. Promptly, the Sock Fashion Expert found them. Suddenly a fight erupted. Miss Belly Fat suddenly charged the Sock Fashion Expert, knowing fully well she had a good 40 pounds on her. There was screaming, yelling and a terrible earth shattering noise shook the room. By now all the children were drawn into the kitchen by the ruckus. The earth shattering sound happened to be the bag of M&M's ripping open and flying all over the kitchen. Moonbeam became frightened by the chaotic sounds and wailed, though her mouth was soon too busy to fuss. Suddenly all the kids were eager to help us pick them up. Art Dog scolded us and took the meager leftovers into his room to "guard them" until it was time to make the cookies. The Sock Fashion Expert and I were no longer entrusted to them. Despite every one's pleas, Art Dog kept a solemn watch on them until The Sock Fashion Expert had cookie dough ready.
Art Dog also decided to come along running with The Dolphin Goddess and I today. As you know, my kids are all training for a 5k (so mom will do their dishes for a month). I showed up wearing my running shoes, wind breakers and a stop watch. He showed up wearing his old hiking boots and jeans with holes in both the knees. Despite my running garb, he showed me up, effortlessly running the 3 miles barely breaking a sweat. The Dolphin Goddess also ran the 3 miles effortlessly looking as if she was floating along rather than running. She chattered on not even sounding winded. In short, they both kicked my butt! I huffed and puffed and gulped. At one point I even thought I might hurl. Her pace is quite a bit faster than mine. In the end, they graciously slowed a bit for me. Our grueling time - 31 minutes. Dolphin Goddess suggested Art Dog try training as he showed a lot of potential. She didn't mention my athletic prowess. Purely an oversight on her part, I am sure.
Our Art Dog is quite the kid. He's a lean mean hunting machine in the fall. The kid is all muscle. He never ceases to amaze me with physical endurance. During the day, he does his school, chores and helps with the baby always wearing a smile. He's got an incredible sense of humor. He's easy going and enjoyable to be around. He's even mature enough to mentor two scrapping chicks ;-) What a kid! I'm real proud of him as you can tell. He's a really cool kid!

Horrifying Havoc of the Human Hurricane (aka Moonbeam's Haunts)

Moonbeam got into a lot of mischief today. This morning she got into my dresser and took all my clothes out of the bottom drawer. Then she stood in it and opened up a top one so she could start taking stuff out of that one too!

In the afternoon, she "helped" The Sock Fashion Expert sorting laundry. She leaves a trail of disaster every place she's been. Whatever you do, do not, I repeat do not trust her with crayons!

I tried putting her down for a nap no less than 3x. The first time, she conned the kids to get her out saying "ewww" as if she needed her diaper changed. She was quite pleased that when they discovered her scheme, they fed her a bowl of jello. Then she dumped her left over jello on the floor. Have you ever tried to clean up jello?! Its terrible. She also managed to undress herself several times throughout the course of the day and proceeded to run around the house shrieking (and streaking). At last she is now peacefully recharging so that she may later avenge the cleaning I and the children have meagerly accomplished.

To follow up, in the evening she dumped a box of powdered milk out all over the floor and ate some of it. What's a mom to do?!

Impressionable Impressions and Lack Thereof

Last week I ran 14 miles and walked about 8. I am becoming fully acquainted with suffering from these experiences. Jogging, no matter how uncoordinated and sloppy it may be, is not for the faint hearted. One must have a sense of raw determination, fortitude and possibly a deep seated desire to experience excruciating discomfort in order to earn the glorious title of "jogger". Despite my loudly proclaimed discomfort about miles covered, none are so memorable as the day that Super Catman came along. Wanting to impress me he ran ahead speedily. Once he had substantially passed me by, he would then breathe heavily and rest looking behind him with an air of nonchalance. He continued this fissad for the first 1/4 mile. After that, one of the boots he was wearing, which happened to belong to his big brother, landed smack dab in the middle of a rather large mud puddle. He hadn't gone far before he noticed it's absence. Coolly, the boy donned the over sized boot and clomped on, though having lost a portion umph along with the boot in question. I'm not sure where the boy gets these ideas, but the need to impress seems vaguely familiar.
I have never been good at impressing people or even at making impressive first impressions. Actually, I am terribly shy. As I was on my home from work the other morning, I couldn't resist but was rather compelled to stop and see The Sock Fashion Expert at her first day on the job. As you may remember she is helping Mist at the Lodge occasionally. The breakfast menu was lovely and exquisite. Fresh berries, heavenly scones and an array of hearty foods cast their aroma in my direction. Apparently my strong mothering instincts did make an impression on somebody, namely that of the Sock Fashion Expert. She had had a nightmare that I called the lodge every 1/2 hour to check on her. Perhaps that would explain the shocked and horrified look on her face when I first made my appearance. Just kidding. She made a great impression on every body. They all thought she was lovely and sweet and raved about her beautiful red tresses. She had it scooped up on the top of her head. She wore a plain black shirt and jeans underneath a camouflage print apron. Her contagious smile and vibrant blue eyes captured the hearts of every one there. All is well that ends well in today's chapter.

Above photo is our machines just before inspection. 4 men showed up including a government representative and went over them with a fine tooth comb for almost 3 hours!

Working Mom Blues and The Case of The Crass Cupcake's Cowardly Cravings

Mina was just an innocent bystander in what was about to unfold. True, she had baked the rich, peanut buttery cup cakes as a school assignment, but she could never have fathomed that one would stoop to such desperation.........
The shift seemed pretty uneventful at first, that is until Mina offered me one of her succulent peanut butter delights. It was like biting into peanut buttery heaven. Fluffy peanut butter flavored cake topped with thick fluffy rich peanut butter frosting and sprinkled with Reece's Pieces. That one delicious experience left me with a blissfull high that could not easily be forgotten.
Hours later in the break room, I happened to be using the copy machine. "Come here often?" I heard the alluring rich voice call. I looked over and there he was, the last of his kind, sitting temptingly in a nice container. I thought to reach out to him at first, but propriety held me back. "I'm a one cup cake kind of girl" I told him, hurriedly leaving, but we both knew my insatiable lust for peanut butter would lead me back to him.
I made an "accidental trip" by him again. "I'd like to be a piece of your back side" he called out crassly. Shocked, but not all that displeased, I hurriedly rushed out. It may have been that a co-worker was in there and I didn't know what she would think.
"On the way" to or from some where, I passed by him again. This time I could tell he had me in his clutches. I was a slave to his sugary magnetism. As I entered the break room, he whispered in a deep throaty voice "I'm your love handle baby". As if compelled by some unknown force, I hypnotically stepped toward him, lost in his promises of ecstasy. Just as I was about to unveil the clear container's cover, a ray of light beamed in. A bright light burst through the shady room and his spell was momentarily interrupted. That brief moment of clarity was all my mind needed to see the truth. The lust of my flesh had taken over and I was being controlled by it, lead like a lamb to the slaughter. As I came to my senses, he crooned "it's o.k., I'm in the big plan" I knew deep down it was a lie, but I wanted to go along with it anyway. "C'mon, it's been 10 hours since your last one" he reasoned sweetly. I pulled myself away, not liking his mesmerising power over me.
After that, a little bit of fortitude took root and I knew I might possibly elude him. Oh he kept trying, and believe me I was tempted, but I liked the feeling of empowerment self control gave me better. As I said "good bye" to my co-workers that morning, I reiterated to Mina what delicious temptation her cupcakes were. "That last one was all I thought about for the past couple hours". "I'll have to get you the recipe" she smiled, and offered him up to me one last time. "No", I said, "I've made it this long with out him, I can't eat him now". She looked at me peculiarly. "I'm a one cupcake kind of girl" I whispered under my breath as I ambled out into the fresh morning air.

Mutant Kitty Boy's Pooey Potatoes

The other day, as I was putting the boys to bed, they were birthing stuffed cats. Both of them had them under their shirts. They were yelling loudly, as if in labor. After birthing multiple kittens a piece, the "babies" hogged up their bed space. Then the would be off spring pushed the innocent boys out of their beds. This was all quite a show, and Moonbeam got in on the act running around the room yelling excitedly. Perhaps she was pleased to be becoming "an aunt".
I'm not sure what bizarre twist of imagination birthed this idea, but I wonder if it had to do with what happened the other day. We had arrived at Bible Study and Super Catman announced to the other children that he was "part cat". When the kids scoffed, he began hissing and scratching his "paws" in the air. This too was quite a bit bizarre, but not all that unusual. I never know what my boys will come up with next.
Art Dog also added fuel to the fire when writing and illustrating a reading primer for Super Catman. Super Catman, hero of the story, was once a normal boy with a cat. At the beginning of the story, the normal little boy's cat poops in his potato patch. As the boy is eating potatoes from his garden, he notices they taste strange. Just then a pack of wolves threatens the boy. He instantly turns part cat and picks a fight with the leader. Then he chases and almost eats a mouse which he gives to his cat. Later on, the mutant boy devotes his life to fighting crime. All from his cat pooping in his potato patch - go figure that's some kinda doo doo. Consequently, I have warned Super Catman NOT to play with or eat any cat poo. He has promised to restrain himself.
I suppose that I should be glad my boys have such an active imagination. The fact that I'm blogging about it shows I am (most of the time). I suppose I'd rather deal with birthing kittens at bed time than real issues most kids face today. What did you pretend to do between the ages of 7-12?

New Focus for The Bobble Headed Cinderella Chick (aka me)

Pleasures and a little disappointment mingled its way into my weekend. On Thursday, the boys and I hiked a few miles into the Persnickety Pika Lake trail. We wanted to check out the trail for my "Extreme Chicks Hike". The hike was wonderful, the weather mild, and memory with the boys, priceless. When I got home, I called Elasta Woman to discuss the hike. I wasn't expecting to hear foreboding news. She was thinking we should consider cancelling it. We were supposed to have bad weather. I was really really disappointed. I stubbornly wanted to do it anyway, but I decided to listen to some voices of reason. After spending some time in my closet pouting (and praying), talking to some more friends and to my husband, we cancelled (postponed) the hike. Originally 14 women had planned to go and several of them were already backing out due to weather and other plans. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that taking that many women that far into the wilderness was a responsibility and a privilege. We could have done it, the weather wasn't that bad today, but it wouldn't have been all that much fun. It would be a lot more fun to do on a sunny warm day.
My friend Mist is cooking at the local lodge now, and she's making quite the name for herself. Last night, my husband took me out there for dinner. Oh was it an incredible night. The Sock Fashion Expert insisted on being my personal fashion consultant. She went through my drawers and closet and picked out a haute ensemble. Then she coordinated jewelry, and even gave me a pair of earrings she'd recently crafted. Then she styled my hair. I transitioned from frumpy to Cinderella in no time. The atmosphere at the lodge was extremely rich. A large table of people greeted us as we made our way over to say "hello". Some we knew, others we just knew of. Mist grilled us delicious, juicy steaks. There was an elegant romaine salad with strawberries, avocado and the most delicious, home made tangy dressing I've ever eaten. The fresh bread tasted like it came from a well to do bakery. There was a scrumptious fettuccine as well. The cheese cake with strawberry sauce was out of this world decadent. Apparently, I'm not the only one who was impressed with her cooking. The new owner of the Mercantile was there and asked her to cook dinner for his grand opening this month. We are so happy for her. What an exciting opportunity! That's not all. Cow girl, (my kayak buddie), Mist's kitchen/waitress helper has a job interview in town. When Cow girl starts working in her desired field, Mist has asked our very own Sock Fashion Expert to be her special helper! The evening was incredible, not just because of the food. My date was charming, handsome and such a gentleman. It reminded me of some of our first dates back when we were in high school. Uhh... I think I'd better not elaborate any further.
As for my change of focus, well I spent 10 weeks working on the "perfect 10" plan. I've done a lot of focusing on weight loss, which is good. I think I'd like to focus a little differently these next 6 weeks. I still want to lose weight, but I've decided my focus will be on training for a run (my first ever). I am hoping the by product will be some pound and inch loss though ;-) Something interesting I've been seeing is the impact that I have on people around me, especially kids. After I started running more, I invited some of my kids to come. Only one wanted to actually run with me - that was Art Dog. He did great. Just last week Sock Fashion Expert came in with a bright red face. She informed me she'd jogged 2 miles. Today she did three. The other day, Super Catman insisted on running with me. We did a little over a mile together. He ran ahead and rested several times, but did great. Yesterday, I was minding my own business, out running, and guess who I saw on the road jogging with an ipod?! It was Kiree the Neighbor Girl! She was out there looking quite athletic wearing the red Columbia jacket I'd given her. The whole thing just makes me realize that people do watch me, and whether or not I think I'm influencing anybody, I am. I told the kids that if any of them run this 5K with me (6 weeks from now) I will do their dishes for a month. I am fearful all of them will want to do it - lol! Well, its incentive, and could develop a healthy habit for them that will last a life time. Its also motivation for me. I'm going to try and run 10 miles/week minimum and start logging my time and distance. That's 60 miles minimum training before my 5K. Uhh.... I hope I haven't bitten off more than I can chew. Well if I have, I'd better suck it up and buy some paper plates ;-)

Celebrating Dad

Each kid wrote out some special memories to share with thier Dad. Here's him reading one.

My Favorite Times with Dad - By The Sock Fashion Expert
My favorite times with Dad are always when we just sit down talking about something that doesn't really matter. Like for instance, when we just talk about cookies and how neither of us like them with too many chocolate chips. Or when we just talk about a book or movie we just read/watched. Fishing was always another fun thing to do with Dad. He always finds a worm to split with me or a good spot for me to cast. Dad always has some funny joke to crack that Mom doesn't think is very funny. He has an odd sense of humor that for some reason makes me laugh! I remember when he used to threaten to give Kaleb or I shaving cream kisses. Yep, those are some of my favorite times with Dad.
Happy Birthday Dad (Memories) - By Art Dog
Dear Dad, How is your day so far? Thank you for being such a great Dad. We need to go to Persnnickety Pika Lake again. It was fun. I remember being the first one out and I caught a giant. By the end of the day you had a caught a bigger one. Thank you also for taking me shooting. I love going ground squirrel shooting with you. Thank you for the XR 70, over one thousand dollar motorcycle. I ride it allot and you pay for gas and oil. Everyday I cost you dollars. My favorite things to do with you are shoot, hike, fish, and gun shows. My favorite thing to do is not math but thank you for it anyway.
My Favorite Things to Do with Dad - Super Catman
Walking on a Walk. Motorcycle ride together. Going on car rides. You take me hunting squirrels. Me - I wouldn't be here without you!
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*Since one of my favorite memories is listening to him read Patrick Mcmannus stories to us, I ordered him three new books we didn't have. Some times when we are out around a camp fire, or just sitting around the living room, he reads them to us. We all love that and we love listening to him laugh as he's reading!