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Thursday, November 5, 2009

Roweena's Revenge

Just when I suspected PMS's reign of terror had ceased, a new rebellion emerged from beneath the shadows. Yes, lurking in the shadows was a cowering rebel, waiting to plot her revenge.
Other than a $500 beater which we purchased to get me back and forth from nursing school, I had never gotten to pick out a car of my own since high school. Back in the day, I sported around a red and black camaro and thought I was pretty hot stuff. Little was I to know that I'd someday be driving Roweena. Really, the vehicles we've driven haven't been bad for the most part. Since living in the mountainous country of Montana, we've mostly been driving utilitarian four wheel drives. That's where Roweena came in.
Roweena was a repossession of the Local Credit Union some 8 years ago. She sadly sat outside the bank waiting to be bid upon. Once a metallic blue '92 4-Runner, she still had a little sparkle left in her at the time. Perhaps her self esteem was first injured when nobody made the minimum bid. Who's to know? But at any rate, since we were the closest, they let us have her for a song and a dance.
Roweena, whom I have not so affectionately shortened to "Weenie", then lived a life of high adventure. She would climb the tallest mountains. She would navigate many a back road. After years of hard use, she began to take on more of a "Battle Axe" type appearance.
"Weenie" suffered many encounters with deer over the years. One time I even nailed 2 deer with her at once. She faithfully brought me and my husband to and from work many a day and night. She dragged bottom on many inches of fresh snow and plowed through with the determination of a seasoned Colonel.
Another time, my husband was driving down our one lane drive way. Another man, who I don't think had insurance came up. As they met in the middle on the icy single lane, Roweena climbed the side of a hill to barely hit the back of the offending truck. After shaking hands and deciding nobody was to blame, the man's wife got involved. Despite my husband having the right of way in the incident, she demanded that my husband do some logging on their property "to make things right". Since my husband refused, laughing, she became quite angry. We would forever be flipped off by the offended parties. Roweena, once again marred, didn't bat an eyelash.
A few years ago, "Weenie" and I were driving home from a night shift at work. On an icy, narrow corner, I saw the snowplow, but couldn't get over in time. We hit head on. Once again, Weenie lived on, with her face crushed beyond recognition. My husband rigged a metal thingy on her front, as a mask of sorts.
Then, last winter, my husband was heading back from a hunt with the kids. On an icy corner, they flipped her on her side. Her driver side door was smashed in, with the window shattered. Miraculously, a large rock, held Roweena from plunging down to destruction into the valley below. They hiked home, and came back with a winch and a chain. She then was given an odd colored brown door much to my dismay.
Roweena no longer has a CD player. Her heater is "specially rigged". In order to cool off the car, I have to roll down the window. She suffers many other cosmetic flaws. She cannot any longer be opened from the back. All groceries must be carted over the back of the seats.
In short, though faithful, Roweena has become a bit of an embarrassment to me. You see, no self respecting hospital supervisor drives an old beat up car with an odd colored door. Everybody my age, and even younger, drives something nice. They have remote control starters. They have car phones. They have heated seats. They even have personalized plates. Yes, to be honest, driving "Weenie" is just a wee bit humiliating.
For this reason, I began parking her on the other side of the parking lot. If anybody asked me what I drove, I purposely tried to be a little bit vague. After all, who's going to respect a fill in supervisor driving around a car like that?!
Last night, as my husband was leaving, he said that dreaded thing I was hoping he wouldn't. He told me to drive Roweena. As is my custom with her, I parked her across from the hospital in the trees hoping nobody would notice. Then looking around, I rushed in, my secret once again safe.
I was relieved when my relief arrived early. I rushed out to start Roweena before anybody else showed up. It was that moment that Roweena decided to enact her vengeance upon me. After starting her, she locked me out. As I slammed the door, dread encompassed me. "I can't believe I (er she) just did that!" There she sat purring like a kitten rather smugly. I cased her two or three times. There was no getting in.
As I cooly returned to the front nurses station, other employees had began to filter in. I snuck back to my emergency room post and phoned the sheriff. The dispatcher got on the line. Hoping she would have mercy on me, I mentioned that I was a nurse and that my car was running. She told me due to the newer locking systems on the cars, the police no longer open locked cars for people. I assured her that my car was not one of "those newer models". She still refused to send a deputy over, but gave me the numbers for some local locksmiths.
I phoned my husband who attempted to give me some instruction on breaking into her with a coat hanger. I swallowed. There was just no hiding it. Everybody was going to know my secret about Roweena. To add insult to injury, they would all know that she had locked me out.
Back in report, I sulked through to find myself a metal coat hanger. Nonchalantly, I asked if anybody was good at breaking into locked cars. Pretending to know what I was doing, I continued on toward my mission. Report disrupted, several gathered at the window to view Roweena for the first time. After multiple attempts of doing what I thought I may have seen in a movie, a street smart CNA stepped in to help. Another nurse flashed a light into the passenger side window as I cringed. Everybody and his brother was getting a good view of Roweena inside and out. Eventually, the three of us, well, ok, the CNA, was able to feed the coat hanger through the window and hit the power window button.
Roweena had exacted her revenge upon me fully. Not only did she lock me out, but she drew it to the attention of the entire facility. I suppose I had it coming. Had I appreciated her years of faithful service, I probably wouldn't have been in such a hurry when I, er she locked me out. Well, today, her heroism (and revenge) is known to all.

8 comments:

Angela said...

Great blog! Thanks so much for stopping by my place.I am really enjoying reading your posts. Not many things make me laugh out loud, but you've got a clever and witty way or writing... love it!

Runner Mom said...

Hey! Thanks for visitng my blog yesterday! I agree with Angela...yours make me laugh! But all those icy roads! Bless your heart!! Guess I'll take 100 degrees and humidity any day!! Enjoy your weekend!
Hugs!

Blessedmom's Simple Home said...

LOL. We drive older vehicles too, but we don't have car payments! Thanks for this great story.
Blessings,
Marcia

~Rebecca~ said...

Thanks for your comment on my blog! I enjoy your outdoor pics!

~Rebecca

toytrkman said...

How could we let go of such a faithful old horse? We've done our best to abuse her but she just won't quit! Just look at it this way, when you're 80 some years old with a few too many miles, odd colored hair, and veins in view through your skin, I'll still not trade you in for "one of them new models". ;-}

Walking on Sunshine... said...

Hysterical! So we all need to learn a lesson and be nice to our cars regardless of how old they are!!

Becky said...

Okay, I name my vehicles too and for some reason my vehicles are always blue. My first car was named Bubbles. She traveled the west. She went all the way to Montana and then south all the way to Big Bend, Texas. She never did like all that hot weather during the trip to Texas. She made us suffer for it too. Bubbles life ended when she was hit in a 3-car collision. My 2nd car was named Bang-go, I remember when she stalled in front of a big rig. The guy was yelling at me to get out of his way. I jumped out of Bang-go pushed her into the intersection, then jumped in and popped the clutch. Praise God it worked! I scared my boys to death doing that. They thought I was going to go pick a fight with the truck driver. LOL Bang-go was traded in for my husband's dream truck which I call "The Monster". My present vehicle, Scratch, is currently sporting a bald spot on his roof. But hey, he keeps going and is a great family vehicle.

Heather said...

Hilarious!

My favorite memories of Roweena are when she took us to the lake last summer. And I suppose I also have to remember that unfortunate incident when one of your sons covered the inside with purple-colored. . .never mind.