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Saturday, July 24, 2010

Working Mom Blues and The Wolfish Hurrah

Just this morning, Art Dog and Super Catman happily wandered off into the forest. Just as they reached a place where the berries grow thick, they spotted a doe loitering around. Before even one ripe, juicy berry could be picked, a wolf emerged! Art Dog began loading his gun wanting to send off some warning shots. As the wolf began to disappear, they saw what looked to be another one slinking away! Now alarmed, Art Dog shot off several warning rounds into the air. Wolves, gone, the boys decided to abort their berry mission and return home.
Boys being boys, they didn't wait long to investigate the spot. Little did I know, while I slept, rather peacefully I might add, that it was due to the unusual quiet. Unbeknowns to me, my boys had headed back out to investigate a wolf kill! They would later report that the wolves had been feasting upon young blood. A poor baby fawn, found its way into those jaws of death today. All that remained was some hind quarters, which, the boys were confident, they would return for. I told the boys not to go back out there again. Super Catman protested "but it was a good experience for me mom". I would hear none of it. "Can we go up to our fort?" asked Art Dog sweetly. "Not if you accidentally find yourself near a wolf kill" I responded reading him like a book. Geesh!! Kids!!
Speaking of Wolfish encounters, the boys weren't the only ones to run into wolfish appetites today. Unfortunately a Terrible, Wolfish, Cunning and Manipulative character lurked nearby, stalking me! It was none other than Miss Belly Fat herself! I will allow you the opportunity to GASP!! Yes, she has preformed her last hurrah against me. Here I was, innocently, I might add working a graveyard shift. I'd eaten a moderate lunch. Planned a healthy breakfast. I was excited that two days in a row the scale has been reading "127.6". That's two pounds from my goal weight, and a number not observed since college! I guess she would want to defeat me so close to my goal. I should have seen her coming. She waited till after a week long white sugar fast. On the day the fast was over (yesterday), she suggested I enjoy a candy bar. Though I almost NEVER eat them anymore, I obliged. "What could one candy bar hurt after a week of no sugar?" Well, after that, it all went down hill. I had the false confidence that I was getting off okay. I'd made it through a long shift without doing much damage. I was so so tired. The change of shift girls remarked about how tired I looked.... "Maybe you'd better stop and get yourself something to pick at on the way home" they exclaimed with genuine concern. Soon they were all agreeing. Suddenly I could see my sleepy self running into guard rails, flipping the truck. Next it was oncoming traffic. After that I was hitting heffalumps and woozles. Miss Belly Fat gravely informed me that I MUST stop for a cinnamon roll on the way home. My very life depended on it. Gosh this was a new one. She's never pulled anything this dramatic before..... Of course I bought it hook, line and sinker. Sure enough, a beautiful, thin waitress pulled out a cinnamon roll the size of a salad plate and was all too happy to warm it up for me. Perhaps she was thinking to herself "you'll never be as thin as I am eating this garbage", but she kept it to herself. Here I was, "saving my life" by "picking at" the cinnamon roll. I considered throwing the whole mess out the window, but Miss Belly Fat wouldn't let me do it. Then I resolved to only eat half. After all, I could secretly share it later with my husband. Before I knew it, not much was left and then I knew what was left wouldn't be at all appreciated by anybody so I ate that too. I couldn't believe I'd eaten the whole thing! Dismally, I arrived home with the empty container which I duly hid in an obscure corner of the basement. I figured I would later dispose of the evidence without anybody attaining knowledge of my crime. I felt even lower when I got up stairs and my husband had hash browns and eggs all ready for me. Add to that my daughter had made pastries from scratch. Oh she really pulled one over on me. Yes, it was her last wolfish hurrah. She's gonna be sorry she ever jaded me. Just to get back at her, I swam the perimeter of Vinal today and ate a salad. She is afraid, very afraid. Can you see her cowering? Yes, today two wolfish appetites emerged on the scene. May their presence be banished from our members.


cmoursler said...

wow! Wolves.
You have an interesting forest.
lol at t he boys wanting to go to the "fort".
Kids are the same everywhere.
Mrs. Belly fat is sneaky. You have her on the run now. lol.

Blessedmom's Simple Home said...

Lol, I think when you have as many kids as we do, Miss Belly Fat is always lurking :-) At least she is around here.

foutfolk said...

Funny post! I like that you have code-named the children. I bet they love it.

Congratulations on the weight loss. And the resolution not to listen to the evil lady.



I enjoyed reading your entertaining and humorous post this morning.

Thank You, ~Ron

Kimberly said...

Now those just aren't words you'd hear from my mouth "Don't go near a wolf kill"

toytrkman said...

Don't you dare bring me home one of those evil sweet rolls! I'll have no part of it.

RoseBelle said...

You got some brave boys there! Good thing they were safe but yeah, definitely, no more sneaking out to do their own investigations! Hey, I learned something new here. Didn't know that the sound of gunshots would scare away wolves. I thought they'd show back up again.

Mr. Stupid said...

A wolf? That's scary. I have never seen one. At least, not that close. That was quick thinking on their part. And you did the right thing not sending them out again.

baili said...

thank god they are safe dear i find you a brave mom of brave kids cause living in such dangerous forest is a big challenge ,take care and always keep gun to scare such creatures,god bless you