As you may have noticed, I've been pretty delinquent in my blogging exploits lately. From starting the school year to chasing after my 2 year old, I can't seem to keep myself treading water so to speak. Well, eventually the milk will turn into butter and I'll be able to stand up in the mess but by then my kids may well be grown up and moved out so I suppose I'd better just get to blogging and stop my silly excuses.
Yesterday began as a pleasant surprise for us girls. My husband watched Moonbeam so The Sock Fashion Expert and I could go to the big city with a friend of ours. We'd never been to the city with this particular lady, but we were quick to discover that we are "compatible shoppers" and were all quite pleased. This called for a celebration and ideas of future shopping dates to come. "Mary Jane" or so I will call her likes to hit the sales, power shop with some independence, and be able to regroup to the next store in a timely manner which is exactly how we like to shop. All three of us had cell phones so we could notify each other of "good deals" and coordinate our departures. It was the kind of shopping a girl could call "ideal". When a woman feels her shopping experience has been a good one, she has a sense of self accomplishment similar to that of a man bringing home his game from the hunt. She saw, she stalked, she conquered!!
Such was our feeling of fulfillment on this particular trip. The day would have been complete and perfect if not for this lone, obscure fact..... The men were alone all day unsupervised. This little detail remained unpondered until we arrived at home with a whirlwind of shopping bags and boxes. Suddenly that lone unpondered fact became the forefront of our attention. Namely, because we fell victim to "Man Meal" which is the traditional and ethnic meal of a man. "Man Meal" is anything a man can prepare that will not interrupt his train of thought or task at hand. For men living in the city, it probably involves a McDonald's drive through. For us, its the same, dreaded meal. Once we heard that Dad had made "the usual", we rolled our eyes and groaned loudly in protest. Dad's "Daddy Surprise" consists of pasta, hamburger and a vegetable mixed together with some bullion. It isn't all THAT bad. I'm sure about now my husband will point out to our readers that I didn't have to cook and so I should say no more. Capish?
The other little detail of unsupervised men is that they have no concept of the mess forming around them. For example, my husband once stayed at a house for about three weeks without me. When I arrived to surprise him, I was horrified to find there was NOT AN INCH of usable table space. It was entirely covered with junk. The kitchen counters had been only wiped in one small area of usage. The rest were covered in thick dust along with a little mouse dirt. This is a true story.
Any how, certain things I just can't stand. A dirty floor bothers me. A dirty floor goes unnoticed to the men of my house. Counters, floors, table surface, its all the same. Men, mine anyway, just don't see dirt, mess, or disorganization as a threat to their personal harmony and peace. I do. I just do.
"Mama!!" Moonbeam exploded as she ran across the living room. She was thrilled. Dirty face, dishevelled hair and wearing nothing but a diaper, she bounced into my arms. Poor little muffin bellowed loudly when I tried to go out for more bags. She wasn't about to give me up for a second. I sifted my way through the obstructions in the living room and sat on a corner of the floor with my muffin in tow as the kids hauled in the remainder of our shopping spoils.
Disturbing sounds were being emitted from the television. Another thing about men - they listen to the television in earth shattering decibels. You just can't ignore whats going on with a program when its yelling loudly to get your attention. This time it was a (disturbing to say the least) sci fi movie. Giant prickly things were attacking their victims from the inside out. Suddenly I felt on edge. All that screaming and suspenseful noises caused my heart to begin pounding. Goosebumps formed on my arms and all at once I suddenly started feeling rather tense. In the movie, a prickly hand began running around the room trying to get people. Each time Moonbeams little hand scratched at my neck I jumped!! Despite leaving the room several times, there was no place to escape the bone chilling sounds of horror. Sights of abstract "house mess" assaulted my mind making my house a living sci fi and I was soon nervously pacing back and forth in an out of control anxiety spiral.
Now think about this for a moment. My kind, wonderful and loving husband watched the baby all day. He helped the kids with school. He put aside his plans of hunting so I could be gone the entire day. He was subjected to making breakfast, lunch and dinner. He most likely had to change dirty diapers!! The idea of complaining about anything at all was NOT AN OPTION so I just nervously paced and fidgeted until I snowballed into MOUNTAIN OF ANXIETY.
How does such a peaceful, fulfilling day go to pot so fast?!?! Gosh I wish atmospheres didn't affect me quite so adversely. That night, I was sitting up in bed, in the dark, sipping chamomile tea to calm my nerves. Nightmares plagued me and I tossed to and fro in a restless manner. I had one of those cheesy "who done it" mystery dreams where my neighbor turned out to be the killer. It was a crazy night. Even now as I am typing, I laugh about what a basket case I melted into. Well, I will have another opportunity in the near future to practice tranquility amongst chaos as I am on a 2 night stretch......Selah...... Does this ever happen to you?