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Tuesday, December 29, 2009

The Momentus Occasion of Going Some Place

Getting ready to go somewhere is no small task. Here's how it all starts out. "Get up" my husband tells me "we've gotta leave by such in such time". I roll over and wait for no less than 15 minutes to elapse. He comes to the door again. "Honey, you've gotta get up" he reminds me, this time with a little more urgency and less patience in his voice. He is probably thinking to himself "why can't this slug of a woman get up?!" Eventually I drag myself out of bed. This is no easy matter. Moonbeam may also be sabotaging these efforts by demanding to nurse. She is cute and warm and snugly while the room out there is cold and foreboding.
After dragging myself into the "foreboding" kitchen, I begin making a full breakfast of eggs and hash browns (for my husband and boys), coffee (for me) and whatever else every body wants to eat. I yell to the kids. Then I go back to their rooms and yell to them again turning on the lights, tripping over toys, etc., etc... I am thinking to myself "why can't these slugs of kids get up?!" Something is vaguely familiar here, but I do not have the time to ponder where I have heard this before.
As the children are eating and getting dressed, I try to gulp down my coffee. Super Catman always comes out wearing pants with holes in them. I always send him back to his room to change no less than 2 times. He always informs me that he has no clean pants without holes. I send another kid into his room to sort through piles of dirty laundry to find a semi-presentable pair. Then I rant and rave about dirty laundry stacked up in the children's rooms.
Then there is the sock bin. It is an over sized clear plastic tote. It is full, yes full of odd socks. No one, I repeat no one has any matched socks. This family owned sock bin is the source of much agony. It is always past time to go and I am always looking for a pair of socks in there for some one. Usually all the children are in the car waiting as I try to match myself a pair of socks. There is nothing like trying to match socks under this kind of pressure.
Then there is the drive way. Because none of our vehicles can make it up and down the drive now, we must transport all people, diaper bags, groceries, etc.. with a 4wd that has chains on it specially designated to only drive way use. Therefore, my husband must drive down the driveway to start the vehicle we are going to drive. Then he drives up the driveway. He says to everybody "come on, the Suburban is running". Some kids walk down the drive way. Others ride. The diaper bag, etc., must be transported into the waiting vehicles. The drive way can be very icy and getting up and down can be a very hairy experience. Usually I am ranting and raving about this. Sometimes I am praying loudly with hopes that he will alter whatever it is he is doing that is upsetting me.... say for instance driving backwards up or down the driveway.
The phone is also a source of difficulties. We can never find our cordless phone. Usually it is dead and lost some place, nobody knows for sure where. The other phone has some kind of connection problem. First the cord started slipping out from the phone. That was remedied by holding the cord into the phone while conversing. Later, after Moonbeam had "fixed it" better, it quit working all together. Its only function is to ring. If you pick it up, it immediately disconnects. We have a third phone, but you can't dial out on it, you can only talk. I'm not kidding. The other day, we were trying to see if the neighbor girl was going to come along to church with us. Since the first phone was lost, the second broken and the third without the capacity to dial out, we had to stop by to see if she was coming! Even my mom started calling 3x when we don't answer. She learned that someone has to go to the basement to get the phone that doesn't dial out to answer!
Then there is the cat, "Puma Kitty". Puma Kitty is no longer allowed in the house unsupervised due to the urinating on my carrots and beets ordeal. Just see "The Cat Peed on My Carrots (A Good Excuse to Eat Chocolate)" post. At any rate, Puma Kitty likes to be inside, and lurks outside the door, awaiting it to open. Once it opens, Puma Kitty, like a streak, dodges into the basement and immediately hides somewhere hoping to not be found. This creates quite a dilemma when we are trying to go some place on time. My husband has taken up the home defense mode with none other than an air compressor. It is harmless. It just makes noise and blows air at the cat. Just as we are about to go out the door he says to me "hold up". I wait. He stealthily opens the door just a crack. As the cat comes near, he points the air compressor and blows it at the cat. The cat takes off running. Then he tells me it is safe to exit. By this time I remember that I have forgotten something and I must return upstairs to do this whole thing all over again.
Of course Moonbeam often does her "big job" in the morning. She might be dressed and ready one moment. The next, well, lets just say the kids bring her to me. "Mom, we think Moonbeam needs you"!
Most often, by now, I have a sick feeling in my stomach. My husband is most likely frustrated with me because we are late for where ever we are going. Did I mention that the cat also tries to sneak into the car? What is that odor? Oh dear, I fear I have forgotten to wear nursing pads. I remember some other thing I was supposed to have brought along. On and on these scenarios go. Where they stop, nobody knows. So next time you go some place, think of me and be glad for your simple task of walking out the door and getting into the car. You do not have to hold an air compressor as a line of home defense. Nor do you have to juggle 5 kids out the door as you sort socks. Your telephone probably works and you probably have cell phone reception (which I do not). I suppose you are on time, but then again, maybe you have your own issues..........


Foodie Girl said...

hehehehe.... this totally makes me smile. ;)

and my verification word is


go figure!

Anonymous said...

Wow- that was funny! I could just imagine you reading it without even a breath! One time when the twins were toddlers, we were trying to get out the door to church and couldn't find one of their shoes- they each only had one pair (so I could keep track of them and not loose them) we never found the shoe, I think we just carried him around that morning- We eventually found the shoe, behind this big (cheap-o) entertainment center, our oldest daughter then "remembered" that one of the boys had tossed it back there! Oh, and we have a small sock basket, I reduced the size as to encourage folks to play the "sock game" more often, which doesn't happen any more often than when they were in a bigger container!

Amy said...

Oh my goodness gracious did I ever love reading that!

Thank you for your comment. I will love sharing Kodiak {and Alaska} with you! I can't wait to talk more!

South Beach Steve said...

Wow, this totally reminds me of my family's life. :-)

cmoursler said...

ugh, socks.
I wound up wearing a pair of white socks with pink hearts all over them to the gym the other day. I felt very precious.

Tricia said...

You have my sympathy. :)

Becky said...

Enjoyed reading this, and I will think of you. I am wondering if I won't be having some related issues with snow & ice when I move to Colorado. I adore So Cal and it's mild weather making it easy to be out and about.