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Wednesday, May 13, 2009

don't be alarmed but my daughter may be an alien

The other day, I returned to my home from our women's devotional group. It was a peaceful early afternoon, though it did not stay that way for long. My daughter, "the sock fashion expert", had taken it upon herself to clean out our families "toy closet". This set in motion many terrible tales too horrible to mention, though I will torment you with just a few.
Gone are the days of not being able to walk through my children's rooms. After spending the first 13 years literally not always being able tread through my children's rooms to reach their beds, I devised a wickedly mean plan. One day, as if I were the mad scientist who cracked, I stuffed all of my children's toys into boxes in a large walk in closet which was intentioned for a pantry. Their rooms became walkable, and I kept the dreaded closet door locked. I only allowed one type of toy out at a time and closely monitored the time out of the closest as if the toys were live gerbals out of their respective cages.
This worked well until visiting children arrived. These visiting children were cunning and crafty. They could tell that I was occupied and wanted to sneak into the toy closet at will, disrupting the organized boxes profound beauty. I also soon found that trying to get other peoples kids to respect my rules wasn't worth the offense that it could bring to an adult friendship.
After some years of visiting kids, 5 kids of my own, and much less will power, my toy closet became untreadable. This is where my daughter, "the sock fashion expert", stepped in. This week, she single handily organized a coordinated attack on reorganization of the dreaded domain. This erupted much havoc in my home. Eventually all the kids got on board with the work. All except for my 6 year old. After many painful screams and cries, I assigned him to organize the silverware drawer (as a distraction). He was thoroughly disgusted that valuable items such as broken toys were being thrown out.
My oldest son, 17, arranged all the games on a high shelf. He laughed fiendishly and plotted with my 13 year old daughter, who has shamelessly named herself "the closet boss". My 11 year old son, "Art Dog", was not at all interested in being recruited, though he dutifully responded. He dawned some furry duds and hopped around obeying "the closet boss" as she sent him on missions with items from the closet. My 6 year old made many excuses to check the trash can often and was quite suspicious with every fiendish laugh from the closet. My 10 month old, Moonbeam, kept dragging herself over to the activity and was eventually placed in my back pack to avoid the mass chaos.
I, myself, tried to assist, but soon became overwhelmed. I assigned myself my daughters dishes chore and some baking for every ones sanity involved. The closet soon became unrecognizable. I'm not sure where all of the items disappeared to. It suddenly appears quite organized and managable. You never knew what you would find in there. If you were missing over due bills, inevitably, there they would be. If you were missing dirty clothes, somewhere lurking in a bin, there they would be. If you were missing a kid, well, you get the idea. Even the beloved remote to our remote control fart machine has been located.
Life as I know it is no more. We have entered the unfamiliar zone of organization. Today my daughter cleaned out the fish tank, or rather fish grave. They had all died but one lone fish, which swims as if it were partially paralyzed. It doesn't really do what a fish is supposed to do (if fish are supposed to do anything). I fear my daughter may have been zapped away by aliens and replaced with a motivated, organized clone. I think on the way home from work tonight, like "Men in Black", i may read the Enquirer to see if there has been any alien cloning going on. I also suspect that there is a galaxy hidden in one of those organized toy bins.
Really, she is doing a spectatular job!!!! I'm so grateful for the work she has undertaken. My 13 year old is truly "incredibly virtuous"!


Molly said...

I am so glad you are a fellow "Toy Nazi" We have our toys in bins also, to be taken down one @ a time. And I so know what you mean about other peoples kids not following the rules, I just let it go too. And try to clean up after they leave.

Way to go "sock fashin expert" for restoring peace and order in the land!

Lisa said...

That is truely an inspiring story...I can feel the wheels turning in my own feindish mind right now! (Though I'm sure that only my 2 youngest would participate in this wonderfully home-life transforming activity ;)

Brooke said...

I too am a bin system follower. After my 3 year old discovered a not so tightly closed large bin of toys in her closet, toys were flying everywhere! Organization feels like such a large task sometimes, with little ones. I dream of the day my girls transform into organizational "aliens." :) Brooke

Brooke said...

I too am a bin system follower. After my 3 year old discovered a not so tightly closed large bin of toys in her closet, toys were flying everywhere! Organization feels like such a large task sometimes, with little ones. I dream of the day my girls transform into organizational "aliens." :) Brooke

Prairie Chick said...

sounds like.... paradise!!! =)

Me said...

I'm just the neatest girl EVER!!!!
So tell me again, who cleaned out the toy closet?

toytrkman said...

This has me concerned because as of late, she has been eyeing my basement/garage. I can see it now, I can only have one tool out at a time as I'm replacing a clutch in my toyota.....

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your compliments!
I really like having a mom follow my blog.

"Indescribable" said...

ok, that sounds nice.... however, I'm with the 6 year old... let me see what broken thing you tossed so I can reminence over it... possible fix it or find another use for it... DON'T THROW IT OUT!

I guess your alien is a keeper....

Heather said...

Can I borrow her for a day?

goat cheese said...

As the alien's Papa would say: "The blood runs true!" Suffice it to say that your daughter just did what her Nana began to do around the same age. Could she end up as a neat feak like Nana?

Nanci said...

First, I wanted to thank you for stopping by my blog.

Second, I want to know if you might be able to tell me where I and the other members of my family can report for cloning. A well organinzed house, now I could live with that. Kudos to "sock fashion expert"!!!!!!

Hannah said...

What a great story! Your daughter sounds great! Thanks for all the comments on my blog too.