My recent adventures include a trip to the big city 3 1/2 hours away. It always seems to amaze me that I can never find contentment in the things that I am buying. There is always "something more", just out of my reach. Being satisfied is a state of mind. Its a state of mind with grocery shopping, with eating, with buying "stuff" and with whatever else you want to apply it to.
Recently, after many years of begging, pleading and hissy fits, my husband resigned to taking back over the check book. Neither one of us enjoy the dutiful job. When you are the one with the check book, you are always aware of the families financial status. You know what bills need to be paid. You know how much money is left over for gas, groceries and the like. Its kind of like Eve eating from the tree of knowledge. Knowledge is a burdensome load when it comes to being fully aware of ones financial status.
Its been years since my spending money on groceries has been monitored. Since I've been the one paying the bills, I just bought groceries blindly. Usually its me stuffing the cart full of things that I deem "needed". Then when the checker runs up the bill and gives me the total I am dumbfounded. I get a sick feeling in my stomach and I write the check with a "hope for the best" attitude. I almost always spent more on groceries than I thought I should be spending.
Now that my husband has taken back over the check book, he has tried to give me limits on grocery shopping. Though I WANTED him to take over the check book, I am unfortunately resistant to change. I think every trip to town thus far has resulted in a "hissy fit" on my part. Most of this is due to my lack of maturity. I want doughnuts in the morning. I want ice cream in the afternoon. I want to spend $4 on a latte. I want all kinds of unnecessary things and I don't want to be monitored! I enjoy spending money frivolously. I can't help myself! Perhaps we may chalk it up to my fallen carnal nature.
And so today I survived a trip to the city with constraints. Surprisingly, I got everything I had on my list (except for some mocha powder for making iced slushy coffee drinks). I find it quite amazing that everybody is into "being frugal". Its a buzz word today. Women are proud of saving money and doing well on fixed incomes. We both chose not to work regular jobs so that we can be home with our kids. Because of this, we make choices to be content with living creatively. I am learning to cook with sprouted grains. For years now, our main meat staple has been venison. I learned to render bear fat last fall. All of these things I have enjoyed doing.
I just change when I get into the city. Its like the were wolf who changes with the full moon. When I get inside of Costco, I grow fangs and fur. I prowl down every aisle for my prey and when my husband says "ca ching" I begin howling.
I hope you will all diligently pray for me because tomorrow I am the special speaker at a women's aglow meeting. I am hoping to become a little more spiritual prior to the meeting tomorrow. I am aware of several women who are coming from long distances expecting to hear an encouraging message. Little do they know that today I had fangs, fur and claws.
1 Timothy 6:5-7 (Amplified Bible)
5And protracted wrangling and wearing discussion and perpetual friction among men who are corrupted in mind and bereft of the truth, who imagine that godliness or righteousness is a [a]source of profit [a moneymaking business, a means of livelihood]. From such withdraw.
6[And it is, indeed, a source of immense profit, for] godliness accompanied with contentment (that contentment which is a sense of [b]inward sufficiency) is great and abundant gain.
7For we brought nothing into the world, and obviously we cannot take anything out of the world;