My "Happy New Year" Blue Moon Salt Coma and Poop in the Sink

"Salt is my friend" I rehearsed to myself as I consumed my 3rd piece of pizza. Nurse "Sweet n Smiley" brought in pizza for us all. Her husband is the ER MD of the night and she wanted to see him "before next year". "Hooray, it's a Blue Moon New Year's Party!" she chimed. I smiled, enjoying my salty pizza just a little too much. Secretly, I had an ulterior motive. Its the beginning of our biggest loser competition at work. I couldn't help but hope to retain some water weight. My prior plans of PMS bloat had come and gone just days before. Armed with several bottles of water, I began drinking liberally. Yes, I am a bit too competitive and possibly even a bit deranged.
It all goes back to a biggest loser contest I participated in at another hospital a few years ago. We did "biggest loser teams". That summer I lost about 35 lbs. I was soo excited to be becoming thin. On the last day of the contest, my partner, nurse "Go Trojans" and I had the biggest combined weight loss. I had it all planned what I was going to do with the money. Yes, I wanted to pierce my belly button! Anyway, some turkey weighed in and found out he was just a pound or two behind us. The lady keeping score let him come back multiple times!! He ran around all day in the hot sun and ate nothing. After repeatedly weighing in, he came in less than a pound under us and won the pot. Oh I was so mad. My partner was furious. She called me to discuss this problem. With less than an hour to go of the day (and not having been informed of this turkey's tactics), I wasn't going to drive back to town with the hopes I had lost more weight that day. My friend, almost in tears offered to give herself a suppository and weigh in again wearing nothing but a swimsuit. This was getting too crazy. It just wasn't worth it. The weight I'd lost was for me. Prize or no prize, this is where I was. My weight was prize enough. Later that week, I cheered up my glum friend by awarding her with a gigantic Zucchini dressed in a yellow bikini with sunglasses on. I wrote a crazy poem to go along with her (the zucchini) recapping her near exploits with the suppository. That was then, this is now.
Yes, I began to suspect I'd gone too far when I felt like I was waddling up and down the hospital halls. I had managed to drink all the water I'd brought in with me. I'd liberally eaten salty food for the past few days. I've never tried to gain weight before. Anyway, when I stepped on the scale I was shocked, pleased and feeling slightly guilty. I'm pretty good at gaining weight, I guess. Now to lose. I can't bear to re-adjust my weight loss ticker upwards, especially when this salt coma was intentionally induced.
I also haven't gotten to exercise for the past couple of days. I'm on a rare stretch of 3 - 12 hour shifts in a row. I barely have time to eat, sleep and get back to work. On my second day of the stretch, my extra half hour was used up giving Moonbeam a bath. She was cruddy and sticky. My husband, Mr. Mom, had informed me when I'd gotten up "Moonbeam hasn't pooped today". You've gotta love it when a man notes his children's bowel patterns. Sure enough, while I sipped my coffee watching Moonbeam splash in the water, something ominous occurred. Super Catman yelled in a horrified tone "Mom! Moonbeam just pooped in the sink!" So she had. I feared no child of mine would ever do dishes again and hurriedly sought to remove the offender before anybody else discovered it.
Yesterday, the kids and I all worked together on homemade cheese burgers and french fries. Yes, salt. Anyhoo, my friend nurse "Generous Geo" went out on a moonlight ski tonight and I was jealous. I no longer wanted to waddle around in a salt coma, rather I wished to be out skiing by the light of the full moon. I have this motivation to look forward to along with almost 2 weeks off now. It will be a great way to start off the new year. My bloggie buddie, Prarie Chick, also offered a resolution of having and choosing joy in every activity. I love that! What a great resolution to have. I'm going to copy cat that too ;-) May all of your 2010 ADL's (that's a nurse lingo for "activities of daily living") be filled with joy!! Happy New Year!!