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Monday, April 20, 2009

Stubborn Belly F-A-T

Let me guess, you are sitting down with a bowl of ice cream or some other delicious morsel and wanting to engage in something NOT TOO DEEP. Right? Meee tooo. Unfortunately, I've been like that all day. Aside from cleaning my bathroom, scrubbing the kitchen and dining room, doing some home school work with the kids and general maintenance of one Moonbeam, I've been pretty unmotivated. I made an alarming discovery when I put on my first pair of shorts for the year. You guessed it, it was stubborn belly fat. She started out small, but the more I accommodated her, the more she grew. Soon she invited all her friends along with some distant relations. They all took up residence on my abs..
I politely told her to go. She didn't listen. I threatened a diet and exercise regime but she didn't budge. I even went as far as to limit her sugar intake. She got angry, real angry.
Last night my daughter made these delicious no bake cookies. You know, the kind with the chocolate and oatmeal in them? Well right away miss belly fat wanted in on it. She told me to amble into the kitchen and help myself to a spoonful (like a really BIG spoonful) while they were yet in the pan. I obliged, though I told her it wasn't a very good idea. My daughter, with hands on her hips told me to quit eating the cookies before they were even cooled. I stuck out my tongue at her and sulked off. Later, when I hoped she wasn't looking I went back for another. This time they were cooling in the fridge. Busted!!! She then counted the cookies and announced that we all get three of them and ONLY three. I pouted. Then miss belly fat reminded me that there were still chocolate chips in the freezer.
Today, though my pride was injured, Miss Belly Fat told me that it would be OK if I just ate one of my allotted cookies. I did. Then I ate another (it was all her idea). My daughter shamelessly admitted to miscounting the cookies and told us we could all have 6 each. Fear immediately gripped me. These cookies are going to be in the fridge all week long!! Miss Belly Fat gave a hearty belly laugh. She won't quit reminding me that their in there. She begs. She pleads. She screams and demands that I EAT THEM ALL! Oh sure she says "just one", but we both know that one is never enough.
Today I stood up that belly fat bully. I told her that two was my limit for the day. She snickered. She nagged. She pleaded. She even tried blindly leading me into the kitchen. Finally in desperation I fixed a cup of chai. Chai always seems to help me get a little bit of an edge over her evil intentions.
Somewhere in my imagination, there is a summer that I can wear smaller sizes than I've ever dreamed. I work out and I look good. I participate in an athletic swim. I have a flat belly (Miss Belly Fat has moved on to some other sucker). I even pierce my belly button (though no one sees it but my husband). Until that day, I will continue to battle her evil schemes. Perhaps you, too have been fooled by her deception. Perhaps together, with Gods help, we will expose her seductive ways and defeat her once and for all. Tonight I will start with some crunches, how about you?


"Indescribable" said...

Mean ol Miss Belly Fat has a side kick - Ms Big Mouth - the one that just wants to taste those yummies, only one, (at a time please) and then there are the other side kicks, Hips! Its just an outward battle - and to think I didn't appreciate when I was younger and more firm - heavy sign...

love those no bake cookies, haven't made them in a while, that'll be something fun with the kiddos... thanks.....

Molly said...

Oh I love you. I can't stop laughing. I really wish we were neighbors. I would be eating chocolate chips out of the bag with you :)

toytrkman said...

I must say, I could do without the belly piercing. Besides, it would just get caught in my whiskers. ;-}

Jess said...

haha I have one of those summers in my imagination, too.